| Kerrang! Magazine: Animal Armageddon |
| Let it be known far and wide that James Hetfield is an avid hunter and proud gun owner, striking fear into the hearts bunny rabbits and small wildlife creatures everywhere -- a hobby that has elevated James Hetfield to Ted Nugent status according to Kerrang! magazine. This comic illustrates one plausible explaination for Hetfield's generosity when he, according to the magazine, gave 438 acres of his land back to the state of California for development by the local parks department in Marin County. My explaination? A nice fat tax break -- but hey, anything is possible... |
| "It's Animal Armageddon!" Kerrang! 9/14/2002 Illustrated by: Scott Baker |
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| 1) Sign: SOLD To James Hetfield Caption: The animals of Marin Country* gathered around the little cottage, their tiny hearts thumping with excitement. "I can't wait to meet our new neighbour!" squeaked Mr. Squirrel. |
| 2) Caption: "Die by my hand!" roared James Hetfield, unleashing two barrels of leaden death. He added, "I creep across the land!" The dead critter's pals scurried away, with the Metallica leader in hot persuit. |
| 3) Caption: The seasons came and went, as Marin County's newest resident carried out his widespread ritual slaughter. He was especially pleased with his remote-controlled thermo-nuclear missiles! |
| * I think they meant "County" and not "Country," but I write it how I see it. |
| 4) Caption: "F**k this sh-t!" growled the frontman eventually, surveying the apocalyptic wasteland. "Nothin' left to kill! I'm giving this back to the local park f**kerz. Let them re-populate it!" |
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